I couldn't make this stuff up.
Ask the Small Boy
Forbidden Love
- Small Boy: Mom.
- E: Yes?
- SB: The ton-ton and the dolphin are in love.
- E: *snort* Um...really? How can you tell?
- SB: They're cuddling. Look. *points to ton-ton and dolphin piled on his bed*
- E: Indeed they are.
- SB: Watch, they're gonna kiss. *moves dolphin to smooch ton-ton and giggles*
- E: Wow. There is WAY too much Valentine's Day stuff on the television right now.
- SB: I know. *still giggling*
sarahblueiris asked:
Hey SB, I love the stories you make up to tell Mom every night. They're awesome. It made me wonder if you ever imagined visiting Australia. What do you think Australia would be like?
“Um…maybe a hot place. Filled with lots and lots of kangaroos. And there’s a big flat mountain. And sand. It would be fun to visit there if it’s not too hot. And there’s water.”
Zombies at bedtime
- SB: Are you ready for your story?
- E: Yes.
- SB: It's scary.
- E: I'll brace myself.
- SB: Okay. Once upon a time, in 1983 (apparently, that was a long time ago) there was a pirate. And he sailed onto some sand, only it wasn't sand, it was a swamp. But he got out and his foot got caught. It was quicksand! And he stayed there for fifty years and he turned into a ghost. A zombie ghost!
- E: That's bad.
- SB: Yep. And then there were two other pirates and they got caught in the swamp and they stayed there for fifty years and turned into zombies, too.
- E: Did the first zombie pirate ghost turn them into zombies?
- SB: No! The quicksand swamp did.
- E: Ah, got it. Continue.
- SB: And then they sent the army. A pirate army. But they got caught in the swamp, too. There was like a hundred of them. And so there was a zombie ghost pirate army!
- E: Wow. And then what happened?
- SB: That's all.
- E: Oh.
- SB: ...
- E: ...so you've got some great world-building going on there, but you might want to think about plot going forward.
- SB: Yeah. *sigh* Probably.
- E: All right then. Good night!
Mom, in Mexico, they have music guys named “munchies.” And chips. And taquitos. We need to go to Mexico.
—Small Boy
Makes sense somehow.
- SB: Hey Mom.
- E: Hey Kid.
- SB: Did you know that the tooth fairy lives in Las Vegas?
- E: Really?
- SB: Yep, she just pops over here when she gets her "tooth sense."
- E: Kinda makes sense somehow. *pictures tooth fairy in showgirl costume and nods*
- SB: Told ya.
Turkey
- SB: Hey, why's the turkey out of the oven? Is it ready?
- E: Nope, it just came out. It's resting.
- SB: Well...can it wake up? I'm hungry.
Pepperoni and Peanut butter.
- Small Boy: Hey, anyone want to smell my armpits?
- E: Okay...I'll smell your armpits.
- SB: Okay, meet my little friends! *raises arms and bastardizes Scarface*
- E: Oh!!! Ahh! Oh, they're so stinky! AAAAARGH!
- SB: *giggles uncontrollably* Mom?
- E: What? *pretends to sway from stink*
- SB: What do my armpits smell like?
- E: I don't even know, they were just too stinky.
- SB: Pepperoni and peanut butter?
- E: *blinks* What...I don't even...where did you come from, child?
